Setting Goals (the Perfectionist's Guide)

The allure of resolutions

Every year I pump myself up for the ceremonial "New Year's Resolution" season. That time when all things are new and anything is possible. There's something magical about a fresh calendar. It's a reset, a redo, a time for self reflection and renewed promise. Never mind that these "resolutions" could happen on June 3 or any other random day. I suppose there's something more exciting about everyone doing it at the same time. The collective intention that we all want something more, something better.

But then the calendar rolls into February, then March and before long, the resolution dims and life settles into the routines we once knew.

So why do we keep participating in this tradition? (1) the desire for a new beginning. (2) the communal belief that we can achieve something great if we just declare it.

The perfectionist factor

For those of us who also identify as perfectionists (hi, welcome), New Year's resolutions are especially problematic. We are built to to seek the ultimate outcome, the prime cut, the Golden Globe. So we go for gold and give it our all, until we burnout.

Set realistic goals, they say. Sorry but our all or nothing thinking hears "realistic" and interprets it as settling for something less than what we actually want. Second best feels wrong so we set ultra high goals or avoid them all together (because inside we don't believe we can achieve them and don't want the pain of failure).

Remember to be kind and forgiving to yourself. There will be setbacks and obstacles. Life will challenge you. That is common and part of goal setting is reevaluating and restarting. You don't have to wait until January 1st.

The SMART way to goal set

Here's how I used to set goals.

1. I want to find a book agent

2. I want to exercise more

3. I want to eat healthier

4. I want to organize the basement

Now, I'll transform these into SMART goals.

What is a SMART goal?

S - Specific

M - Measurable

A - Achievable

R - Relevant

T - Timely

Specific

What do you want? If you are too vague you will get lost. Telling your child "clean your room" rarely works, but if you say "make your bed and put your clothes in the hamper," they know specifically what you want and you can see if they have met your request. Being specific as you write each goal gives you direction and helps you visualize the outcome.

Here's my goals after being more specific:

1. I want to submit my book proposal to agents

2. I want to exercise at the gym and walk the dog

3. I want to plan meals that are higher in protein and whole grains, eat more fruit (since having kids I let them eat most of it), keep eating veggies, drink less alcohol

4. I want to organize basement by sorting unwanted things to donate or sell and organize remaining things into storage containers.

Measurable

Now that you know what you want, how will you know that you've met it? This step helps you track your progress. It usually includes amounts, percentages, or frequency.

Here's my goals after adding measures:

1. I want to submit my book proposal to 5-12 agents

2. I want to exercise 3-4 times per week and walk the dog daily

3. I want to plan weekly meals that have 30% protein per day (for me), 100% whole grain, limited added sugar, no more than 2 drinks (1-2 days per week)

4. I want to spend Tuesdays sorting the basement in 3 piles (donate/sell/keep), schedule monthly donation pick ups, and organize remaining into storage containers

Achievable

Look at your goals and decide, are they within YOUR control (not dependent on others) and attainable, given your resources, time, and skills. I think all of my goals meet this requirement, except I'm lacking in knowledge of clean eating.

4. I want to research recipes focused on clean eating and plan weekly meals that have 30% protein per day (for me), 100% whole grain, limit added sugar, no more than 2 drinks (1-2 days per week)

Relevant

What is the purpose behind your goal? Is is aligned with your other goals? Consider what it will take to achieve, is it worth your while? Is this the right time for this goal? Be honest. Don't make goals based on what you think you "should" be doing, but what you actually want to do and are in a position to accomplish at this time in your life. This doesn't mean abandon your goals, but maybe create prerequisite goals.

Before I can submit my book proposal, I have to finish writing my book proposal. My 1st prerequisite goal is is to spend two hours each day writing the remainder of my proposal and submit to my writing coach biweekly.

I've added the reason/relevancy behind each goal:

1. I want to submit my book proposal to 5-12 agents so I can find a publisher

2. I want to exercise 3-4 times per week and walk the dog daily to help lower my cholesterol, improve my sleep, feel stronger, and build muscle

3. I want to plan weekly meals that have 30% protein per day (for me), 100% whole grain, limit added sugar, no more than 2 drinks (1-2 days per week) to reduce inflammation, lower my cholesterol, and feel more energized

4. I want to spend Tuesdays sorting the basement in 3 piles (donate/sell/keep), schedule monthly donation pick ups, and organize remaining into storage containers so I can declutter, earn money, and feel less stressed in that space

Timely

Some goals might be lifetime goals (like exercise and nutrition), but it is important to still give yourself an end date. Once you reach that date, evaluate what went well, what got in your way, and if you want to repeat the goal or move on to a new one. Here's my final goals with some added timelines.

1. I want to submit my book proposal to 5-12 agents by June 30 so I can find a publisher

2. For 3 months, I want to exercise 3-4 times per week and walk the dog daily to help lower my cholesterol, improve my sleep, feel stronger, and build muscle

3. For the month of January, I want to plan weekly meals that have 30% protein per day (for me), 100% whole grain, limit added sugar, no more than 2 drinks (1-2 days per week) to reduce inflammation, lower my cholesterol, and feel more energized

4. I want to spend every other Tuesday until June sorting the basement in 3 piles (donate/sell/keep), schedule monthly donation pick ups, and organize remaining items into storage containers so I can declutter, earn money, and feel less stressed in that space

Ready, Set, GOAL

I feel good about these goals. Modifying them using the SMART system is brilliant because it forces me to systematically cut out the pitfalls of perfectionism, like setting unrealistically high standards, feeling overwhelmed or lost, getting discouraged, not feeling a sense of accomplishment, quitting or just avoiding goals altogether.

Happy Goal making!

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